the disgruntled world of ________ !

Top 10 Important “Jean” Facts:

1. I was born ABSOLUTELY bow-legged (my mother denied this fact for years, except during xmas last year via telephone…when my father confirmed my bow-leggedness) However, I did buy some corrective shoes to…well…correct my disability…MUKLUKS…large, large MUKLUKS.

2. I am an amazing chef…an expert in the culinary technique of “remove film cover from potatoes. microwave on HIGH 3 minutes”.

3. I have this incredible ability of finding someone’s fault/failures and exploiting them to the world…sometimes with a bullhorn…many times with a spotlight. I admit to using this ability for evil. I am ashamed of my evil tendencies, however, it quickly passes.

4. I am a pretty sociable, friendly person…I extend my friendships to all sorts of social miscreants. I do have a particular friend who is extremely racist, but covers it well with her glasses. With her, I am trying to help heal her heart of hate. I’ve suggested going into rehab or watching Care Bears: The Movie. Cheryl…I’m pulling for you!

5. I cannot wear contact lenses…the doctor told me if I did…I would seriously damage my retina and my eyeballs would fall off…I cannot stress enough that my eyeballs would really and truly disconnect from its sockets and fall off. I can be a bard for the rest of my life, but a blind bard…bitch, please!

6. I sing in the shower…sometimes I pee. I have an aunt who peed on herself in her car during rush hour traffic. She’s my hero.

7. I saw a man pee on my tire…while I was in my car. Sometimes I think back at that memory and a warm sense of happiness clouds my thoughts. I miss that man and what he represented…pee on a tire.

8. I can take a lot of jokes, especially since I dish so many out. Yes, I call people names…but all in good fun and good times. Yet, if you tell me to go to hell…I will beat the living shit out of you and spit on your bloody face. I’m a very spiritual person. I may be driving the bus to hell, but I promise you…many old women will cross the road this year…this is the year of good intentions and deeds…slowly and surely…paving my way towards heaven.

9. I’m a procrastinator by trade and by nature. I hate guidelines, yet they rule my life. Also, I am lazy and don’t like to finish things I’ve started. Trust me, I have plenty of unfinished works. If I were in a race and I saw a hamburger stand along the way…I would stop and eat the hamburger. I would not finish the race.

10. I like to write. I’m currently writing something and no one is safe…and nothing is sacred.