the disgruntled world of ________ !

i’m going to write a stream of consciousness for about a minute and then i have to leave for class. the weather has been cold, however, i like the cold. i’ve been trying my hand at online dating and thus far have met a couple hits and misses. one, though, has been see-sawing with my emotions. he is physically and mentally the perfect type for me. rugged. white. sarcastic. the problem is that he has 2 kids. i’m not really into the whole insta-family thing, but he is pretty hot. i’m so damn superficial. i hate myself sometimes. anyways, he reminds me of a young Tom Brady and if you know how hot Tom Brady is…you would understand my plight. he has a job, too. he’s a video game tester for disney. how adorable!! a young Tom Brady playing Lilo and Stitch’s Magical Adventure all day. yummy. anyways, my minute is almost gone. peace out. 

So I am in Honolulu…waiting patiently (approx. 3 1/2 hours) to board. Though, I should explain the events that brought me here. Unfortunately, I had to go through Majuro. It sucked. We had to stay in the plane while they run their “inspection”. This wouldn’t be that bad, except for the fact that my fellow passengers and I had to endure the horrendous smells that penetrated the doors of the lavatories.

The stench reminded me of bean farts and insect repellent. The seat that I had was defective, but the flight was overbooked and I had nowhere else to sit. So for 4 hours I had to experience ass-numbing pain brought by the sharp poking of an exposed metal rod. I wanted to shot myself in the face, just so I wouldn’t have to think about the idea that my ass may never feel good ever again.

Anyways, I bear through the pain.

Flashback to before my “adventure” began (location – Guam International Airport): “You’re only giving me a boarding pass to Honolulu?” I asked. The Chuukese ticket agent looked at me and said, “Sorry ma’am, but it says that you’re on standby in Honolulu.” I start to tense and the anger seems to be making its way through my flaring nostrils. “What do you mean STANDBY? I paid for the fucking ticket in advance…online,” I said as I crumple my boarding pass to Honolulu. The Chuukese man looked confused.

“Whatever…so what am I supposed to do now,” I asked. “Well, ma’am it says you have to go to Delta and check-in.” I’m already annoyed, so I atan baba him and check-in my shit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I hate the C-T-C’s. My parents and I then proceed to Cap for a family dinner.

Flash forward to the Delta Counter:

I grab my luggage. I go through customs. I re-check my luggage. I get my boarding pass. I wait a while to board my LA flight.

EDIT: (Currently in LAX waiting for my Lolo to pick me up)

The flight was fine. No one sat next to me so I had some breathing room. I thought…okay…things are looking up. I arrive at 6:30 am and grab my luggage. I made plans prior for my cousin to pick me up but he is nowhere to be found. Oh, I forgot to mention…I left my cell phone on Guam, so I have no way of contacting anyone except via dirty ass payphones.

I wait and call my mom, who lectures me about forgetting my cell phone at home. She calls my aunt, who doesn’t pick up, and leaves her 6 messages. She calls my cousin and leaves him messages. Two hours fly by and a homeless man offers me a bite of his sandwich.

I struggle to remember my Lolo’s phone number. I finally remember. I call and now they (my Lolo and Lola) are on their way to pick me up. It’s now 10:00 am. I’m going to kill my cousin. He does not get a bag of Chamorro Chip cookies.

EDIT II:

I’m home now. It is approx. 11 am. I hate my cousin.

Let’s tally the length of my trip:

Guam Airport (2 hours)
Flight to Majuro (4 hours)
Waiting time in Majuro (2 hours)
Flight to Honolulu (4 1/2 hours)
Customs (1/2 hour)
Delta Check-In (1 hour)
Waiting at the Honolulu Airport (3 1/2 hours)
Flight to LA (5 1/2 hours)
Waiting for my Cousin (3 1/2 hours)
Waiting for my Lolo (1 hour)
Ride home (30 minutes)

Total of 28 hours

so i’m sitting by my parent’s pool stealing my neighbor’s wifi and watching my mom’s dog vomit on the lawn. i think he ate something that causes doggy bulimia. i think she’s not “sick” per se…i think that “Holly” has self-esteem problems and probably thinks she’s fat.

i am currently trying to counsel my mom’s half boonie/half corgie puppy. my dad is telling me to swim at night because it’s better. i look at him and ask, “why did you blame me for losing the house alarm remote”. He just laughs and walks into the house.

Whoops…now my dog is licking her woman spot. GROSS!!!

So we made cupcakes. Cheryl and I created red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I put way too much water into the mix, so it’s not that great. Though, Cheryl’s cream cheese frosting concoction is dream-like. She’s a good baker. We should open up a bakery/ESL school. It would kick ass.

Char and I swam and ended up with blue shit all over our bodies. It looked like we raped and pillaged a Smurf village (that rhymed). Cheryl is scared of the water and refused to swim. I’m not sure why…she doesn’t have her period.

Moving on, the wonderful Hitosis sisters brought over some delicious food. I LOVE Casava cake. YUM YUM!!!

I’m a fat ass.

My new years resolution: Stop eating like an Obese Family of Four!!

I HEART ROCKBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Theres a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me

- Sweet Baby James

Dark and silent last night
I think I might have heard the highway calling
Geese in flight and dogs that bite
Signs that might be omens say I going, going
Im goin to carolina in my mind

- Carolina in my mind

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

- Fire and Rain

James is always singing about his mortality and with this new year at hand…I guess it’s a topic that is on my mind as well. I’m 25 years old and Lord knows that I am NOT getting any younger, despite my whimsical disposition.

I am on Guam. My New Years was spent in a bright green Paul Frank whale pajama bottom and a touristy England t-shirt (not of the baby tee variety). My dad bought about $100 dollars worth of firecrackers and sparklers for 3 people. That was ridiculous! I asked him if the illegal store that sold it to him had a return policy. He told me to clean the pool. I cleaned the pool while holding 50 sparklers in one hand and the pool vaccuum in the other. The time was 12:30 am. Our house clocks are advance, so we technically missed the countdown. Stupid clocks.

We ate Arroz Caldo, Fried Tofu, and Vegetable Lumpia. I was still hungry. To me that meal seemed like a large appetizer.

My dad and I watched “I am Legend”. I am so irritated with the fuckin locals (i.e. the Cs, Ts, and Cs again – ask me what it stands for…I don’t want to be an online bigot like a friend of mine with Buddy Holly glasses). They came in and out DURING the movie. A man was talking on his cellphone DURING the movie. A family of four were asking each other for more hot sauce (for their smuggled Taco Bell food stuff) DURING the movie. I pay an exorbant amount of money to be disturbed DURING a movie!?!

I talked to the manager and he was like…”Well, they’re paying customers too. Sorry. There’s nothing I can do about it.” What the fuck!!!!! My dad was antsy to go, so the manager should thank my dad b/c I would have socked him in the face with my bag of groceries (yes, we brought our groceries into the movie theatre).

I ate 12 grapes. I drank a bottle of corona. I jumped. I laughed. I cried. I tried to kill a brigade of ants trying to fuck up my computer. I refuse to wear pants. Happy New Year to me!

This past year was insane. I mean in-fucking-sane.

I had to do a ton of rewrites only to be plagued with the difficulty of starting over.
Mike and I broke up.
I did some traveling both for work (NYC) and pleasure (Chi-town, Mexico, Las Vegas).
I gained a lot of weight (20 pounds) and tried to lose some of it (5 pounds).
I bought this diet pill that makes me fart oil.
My friends and I were kidnapped and almost raped in Cabo San Lucas (the picture below was taken before we realized this). Luckily, he brought us close enough for us to jump out of the moving boat. It was intense.
My summer was INSANE (so many things happened). Just an example, my friend and I almost died while riding with a drug dealer at a PCH intersection.
I am in a master’s program that is currently kicking my ass.
I have successfully and not successfully counseled people.
I saved approx. 168 students from potentially being molested from a potential child molester and confirmed coke addict who you may catch on an episode of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch.”

There’s a lot more, but I can’t think of what. I’ll just update later.