the disgruntled world of ________ !

So, I was tricked, rather forced into updating my blogs. WTF!!! I’m the laziest person alive and I’m blogging. I would much rather use my time sleeping or eating…or both. I mean…just today I thought that I should give my dog a bath…but decided to Febreeze him instead. Also, I thought…hmmmm…my dog’s crying….I bet he’s hungry…so I throw him a bag of BBQ chips and wish him luck in opening it. Plain and simple…I am lazy.

Now, I must stay on track and talk about Chi-Town. My flight going there sucked and wasnt that great. I couldn’t sleep, which sucked because I was on a red-eye. I arrived and soon felt the cold Chicago air piercing my face with its sharp pricks. All I kept thinking was…”Damn that Cheryl…this is not ‘Shorts’ weather.” Then, I waited for her…and talked to a woman who thought I was a runaway/migrant worker.

Soon, I see Cheryl and her Rolls-Royce. It was amazing. She brought me some food…which was awesome. We went to her apt. and I met her roomie, Emmy. She was very, very nice and made me some Korean coffee. Cheryl’s apt was super cute (Emmy keeps it clean…with no help from pigsty Cheryl i’m sure) and her room was also relatively cute…in a please-clean-me kinda way. Cheryl did inform me that she cleaned before I came. I surveyed her room and saw her neatly stacked paper piles presed against the wall and gum wrappers spread on the floor like petals on the ground. It was like the Ritz-Carlton, only without the swimming pool. I pretty much spent the day eating (the Deep Dish Pizza was awesome) and hanging with the Hitosis clan.

Afterwards, I met her friends at a bar and we went to another bar and some dude bought me beer. Though taken, I still have game.

Before I proceed, Cheryl was kind enough to take an obscene amount of photos of me. It was great. I was loving it. I mean…my mom needs more pictures of me to add onto her Jean Shrine.

The next day, we went to the Field Museum, the Hancock Observatory, and then we ate at White Castle. We also saw the Magnificent Mile, the big ass Bean, some buildings, some fountains, and a shit-load of parks. We took a lot of pictures…especially at the Observatory…because they had some kick ass props.

Oh, I almost forgot, Cheryl is a speed-walking, bus-hopping sociopath. Despite my pleas, she left me broken and alone on the streets of Chicago. Not to mention, her ass got us lost….that bastard!!!!!!!

White Castle was awesome.

We ate too much and smelled like burger farts afterwards. We also rented a Gay Chinese boy movie at Blockbuster. Cheryl’s choice. It was a toss-up b/w that or the “Weeping Camels”. I think Cheryl’s roomie thinks we are seriously disturbed people.

The next day, we went to the Shedd Aquarium and the Adler Planetarium. I loved the Shedd. It was awesome. I felt like I was the host of some sort of Discovery channel show. I talked to people and taught them about the poison frogs of the Amazon and about the Coral Reef and ways to protect it from predators. I should work there. Cheryl made all the lizards sad. I’m not sure how. It’s her rain cloud. I’m pretty sure the lethargic Komodo Dragon was a bit more lively and ferocious…and then we came…and it looked dead.

I had diarrhea at the Shedd. Moving on, I had a breathing contest with some random dude who dared to challenge me. He lost. What a pussy! I took mad pictures here. They had no props, but they had a ton of turtles. I took like 200 pictures here and Cheryl had like 2.

I fell asleep at the Planetarium. So did Cheryl. I snored and woke myself up. People were staring at me…so of course I placed the blame on Cheryl and told her to wake up. We were watching some Big Bang thing. I think I was tuckered out because some guy earlier farted on us while we were watching some Native American slideshow. I was uber, uber tired.

We left the Adler and ventured back. Her friend, Jessica, was waiting for us by the stoop. We ate a a Thai place (good Pad Thai) and had some coffee and gelato. We were trying to pop Cheryl’s back knotts, but that wasn’t happening. It looked like we were trying to publicly kill her. On our way back to the car, I saw a sign for a prom. Of course, being who I am, I decided to crash it. I went in pretending to look for my friend Margaret Cho. She was nowhere to be found.

I danced a little and voted for Prom King and Queen. Then we left. I wish I had a prom dress. It would have been magic.

We left and picked up Cheryl’s friend Char. She was cool. We went to a Karaoke bar. Cheryl and I dominated the microphone. I love rapping. It’s so fun. Our scores were high. Was there any doubt? We were classically trained by Mrs. Labrando.

It was a fun night. We ended up going back to the bar, so we can see that cute guy one more time. Cheryl got his name. Success. The balding dude wanted to buy me a beer…but we were leaving…so I asked for the money. He laughed. I didnt.

Cheryl was a drunk driver. She basically put my life in danger more than once. Selfish asshole.

The next day, we sped through the Musuem of Science and Industry. I would’ve liked to stay longer, but we were on a mission. We needed to go to a wedding. Oh, and Cheryl got us lost. You really wouldn’t think that she lived in Chicago. Just kidding. Anyways, we got lost. It was cool though…we had sushi afterwards and I got a free kid scoop from Oberweis. It was gooooood. We went to the wedding reception.It was open bar, which was good. I was pretty much the only non-Korean there. The steak was awesome. It was especially fun to see Cheryl squirm and be all paranoid crazy.

We ended up leaving early and I flirted with the Valet guy. Geez, Chicago has a lot of available men. Anyways, we head over to Eric’s house. He has a nice house. He loves food. He suggested that we eat at Susies. I’m glad we did. The cheese fries were amazing.

I had to wake up freaking early. I like how Cheryl’s alarm did not go off. Luckily, I set mine. The plane ride was uncomfortable and someone had a hear attack mid air, but seemed to be recovering well upon touchdown.

All in all, I had a ton of fun on my trip. I really should thank Cheryl, her patience and her bed.